Sheddio Sessions - Connection [Video]
An inside look at the most emotionally vulnerable song I have ever written, and the hardest thing that I have ever had to do as a parent.
Scroll to the bottom of the article to watch the video.
Our eldest daughter Maddie told us she was in love with a young man in Oregon on a beautiful late summer afternoon. She had just been out to visit some friends near Portland for a second time. The second visit to see these friends had solidified her feelings for this young man. It was clear she was head over heels.
At this point, Madeline was hitting a tender 20 years of age. After a year and a half at Columbia College in Chicago, she decided she wanted to come back home. The program, the school, and her living situation were all far less ideal than she’d imagined. By the time she told us she was moving, she had been home for a few months and working a full-time gig in retail.
As she shared all of this info, my mind reeled. I was just getting used to the idea of Maddie being back at home after a year and a half of her away in Chicago. Now, she was pivoting and headed out the door once again. I wasn't sure what to say or do. I felt a sense of sadness, a hefty dose of fear, and an enormous amount of pride.
What I did know what that she wasn't asking for permission or assistance. She was telling us she was going, with or without our blessing. In my mind, that was one more thing to admire her for. I knew it was our job as parents to be supportive, loving, and encouraging. She was going to do this and we were not going to stop her. Standing in her way would have only deepened the pain and thrown salt in the wound.
The logistics of getting Maddie out west were largely handled by Kimmy. My help for the trip came with packing and prepping in the days before Maddie left. Then, on New Year’s Day of 2019, they piled into the car with Maddie’s cat, Zissou and headed west. I stayed home to hold down the fort and hopefully keep my shit together.
I was much more composed than I had expected to be on the day of their departure. The tears didn't come until a few hours after the ladies were already on the road. When they did come, I was alone, and it was cathartic. I was glad to have had that moment for myself with no spectators.
For the first few weeks, Maddie seemed no further away than she had been in Chicago. We talked regularly via FaceTime and texted often. She updated us as she found a job, moved into a new apartment and made new discoveries in her new neighborhood. It was thrilling to see her thriving. It’s all anyone wants for their child.
The song itself appeared in just one session during a chilly winter day in the Sheddio. I had written a chord pattern for an intro I was really excited about, but had yet to turn it into something around which to build a song. As I so often do, I just began repeating the chord progression and looking for a melody or a way into the song. Then, the first line of the song appeared, “Goodbye was easier than I ever thought it’d be”. We were off.
Most of the time when I write a phrase or a lyric down, there is not clear intent in the words and in my headspace. It often takes me hours or days and weeks to discover the true meaning of a song. With this one, I knew as soon as I wrote the first line. It was time to deal with this seismic change in a song.
With a verse and chorus progression together, I began to mete out the proper words to tell the story. I was far more deliberate and worked at a much slower lyrical pace than under normal circumstances for my writing style. This song was different. I knew precisely what emotions I wanted to convey, it just took a fair amount of digging to summon the proper language.
Eventually, I brought the tune to The Stick Arounds at a Monday practice and we rolled it through it a few times to get the proper feel. The rhythm section quickly discovered a sort of disco backbeat underneath the straight ahead rock rhythm that they leaned into. Things were really coming together but the track still felt not quite finished. With some help from Jeff and Kernel especially, we re-worked the instrumental bridge that I had originally written. The new version was tighter, quicker and felt more natural. Now, we had ourselves a fully realized song.
After we had a finished studio version, I sent a long email to Madeline explaining to her how proud I was of her courage and her determination to move out west. I was honest about how hard it was to have her so far away. In my email and in that song, I told her that I was so very proud of her and missed her so damned much, but if missing her was the cost for her happiness, I was happy to pay the toll.
Madeline has never been one for great communication skills. She is a wonderful young woman, but quick replies, or replies of any kind often, are not in her natural skillset. So, when I got a text message the next morning after sending that email, I nearly cried just seeing the unread message and the few simple words of text;
“Thanks for the song. I love you.”
What more could I need than that?
Maddie has since returned to Michigan. I’m still wicked proud of her.
Cheers,
Matty C
Beautiful story, fantastic song
Very touching, and a great song. I found myself singing along.